Honest Trailers - The Powerpuff Girls
by The 21st Century Pendragon
Summary: As part of Cartoon Network's 25th Anniversary, here is an honest take of one of CN's iconic shows.


As part of Cartoon Network's 25th Anniversary, I decide to take the challenge and give an honest take on their iconic cartoons from the "Cartoon Cartoons" era. So, here's the first of the bunch, and undoubtedly one of the best of the channel (before the channel ruined it).

Any other Cartoon Network shows that need an honest treatment?

* * *

If an Honest Trailer for The Powerpuff Girls were to exist, it would start with showing screenshots of people requesting this video, along with the green title card.

And for that, the epic voice narrator begins his opening spiel: " **From Craig McCracken, the iconic Cartoon Network honcho who then created a show for the Disney Channel, comes one of its iconic cartoons based on an animated short that would more likely land on Adult Swim.** " After giving a shout-out to the early short _Whoopass Stew_ pilot, the narrator utters the title: " _ **The Powerpuff Girls.**_ "

For that, the trailer starts with accompanying clips: " **Welcome to the City of Townsville, a metropolis led by a man-child and filled with** _ **Stepford Wives**_ **-ish citizens whose personalities are mostly to serve as rescue bait for when crime turns up. And when it does, the Powerpuff Girls are there to kick butt, kick faces, or push baddies around, or just beat the heck out of powerless criminals or criminals who don't use their powers well.** " Cue montage of the girls battling criminals and villains that ends with a shot of an aggravated Mojo Jojo.

The epic voice guy then explains the origins of the girls: " **When a down-on-his-luck professor feels like a failure for his accidents, he will try to conjure another creation of his own by mixing sugar, spice and everything nice and then accidentally pouring a highly hazardous chemical that somehow conjures three** _ **Sailor Moon**_ **-ish girls with superpowers.** " Questioning the absurdity of the cartoon's science, he remarks, " **Not a scientist at all, but I am pretty sure that when you mix glucose, pepper,** _ **My Little Pony**_ **trinkets and a radioactive mixture, you might create alternative fuel that shoots rainbows. That's a fact.** " Then the video shows a shot of Blossom shrugging.

" **Meet the titular Powerpuff Girls. There's Blossom, the leader of the group and instant pain in the neck for being too smart, too critical, too concerned, too competent, too arrogant and too cold.** " As the video shows Blossom's trait, the narrator tries to phone in a joke, " **Get it? Just because her insignia's red, and she got ice powers? Hehehe, irony!** "

But he continues enumerating the girls, " **There's Bubbles, the…bubbly blonde type that is no way a stereotype for blonde girls. But is still a good crayon drawer, an octopus enthusiast, a fluent in Spanish, in Japanese, in animal…language, in monster talk, and a loud mouth.** " Cue montage of clips of Bubbles being a whiner.

" **There's Buttercup, the tough girl of the bunch, and quite of a moron.** " The narrator's tone then becomes sarcastic, " **But you surely you don't want to mess with her squealing, her bad hygiene, her money-grabbing tendencies, her lack of academic of knowledge and her kissing.** " After that moment, the video shows a clip of Buttercup wooing Butch, then jumps immediately to Buttercup spitting in disgust.

He then moves on to enumerating the villains: " **Watch as these girls balance out their normal lives from preventing crime from the meanest criminals in the city like…** "

"… **Fuzzy Lumkins, half pink furball, half banjo-loving hillbilly Southerner stereotype…** "

"… **Him, who is totally not a devil…"** The epic voice guy then elaborates, **"I mean in the short, he really is a devil.** "

"… **Princess Morbucks, the spoiled rich girl with all-round gadgets, which totally makes her a villain and not a try-hard stuck-up…** "

"… **these goblin-like hoodlums, who talk with virus in their mouths…** "

"… **these sentient protozoans who want to be gangsters…** "

"… **this ugly seductress who still seduces men…** "

"… **the male counterparts of the Powerpuffs, who are absolute delinquents but get foiled by the power of love?** "

"… **and of course, Mojo Jojo, the ultimate simian mastermind who lives in the most obvious villain lair and whose most devious plan to date is leading an uprising with a planet of apes to take over Townsville and gain ape dominance.** " Along the way, the video goes to a frame-by-frame comparison of Mojo Jojo's schemes to that of Caesar from the _Planet of the Apes_ prequel trilogy. After that buildup, the narrator then remarks his downfall, " **But immediately fails. Dude, if you want to take over the planet, you should take advice from Caesar. I think it will help.** " Cue clip of Mojo shouting "No!" before showing a clip of Caesar shouting "No!"

" **When you are done watching three mutant kindergarten schoolgirls take part on crime-fighting and superhero tactics, watch the Powerpuff Girls balance it out with living normal lives, which is basically going to school and rambling about first-world problems. But if you get bored from there, get yourself drenched at the most over-the-top violence ever put in a Cartoon Network show.** " Cue montage of violent scenes of the girls' exploits. Thanks to this, the narrator sidetracks, " **Man, I can't believe this is what my baby sister grew up to.** "

" **So experience six pulse-pounding seasons of television, ranging from cool episodes…** " He is referring to beloved episodes like "Meet the Beat-Alls", " **…to episodes you would like to forget exist…** " He is referring to bad ones like "See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey". " **…that spawned other media-related property that Cartoon Network want to cash in on, like…** "

"… **four videogames that you most likely play in Cartoon Network's site…** "

"… **these soundtracks which you only listen for the theme song…** "

"… **a feature-length movie that you most likely did not watch…** "

"… **limitless merchandise that were everywhere once…** "

"… **an anime adaptation that you didn't know existed…** "

"… **and a contemporary reboot that you wish never existed.** "

As the video shows a dreadful clip from the new _Powerpuff Girls_ , the epic voice guy shudders that he has to react, " **Eeekkk…let's just go to starring.** "

" **Starring:**

 **Red Leader Standing By (Blossom)**

 **Little Girl Blue (Bubbles)**

 **Green with Envy (Buttercup)**

 **Professor Uranium (Professor Utonium)**

 **The Monopoly Guy (The Mayor of Townsville)**

 **Madam Secretary (Ms. Bellum)**

 **Ms. Profound (Ms. Keane)**

 **Toby Keith (Fuzzy Lumkins)**

 **Red Lobster (Him)**

 **Princess Starbucks (Princess Morbucks)**

" **King Kong ain't got **** on me!" (Mojo Jojo)**

 **Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z (Mojo's primate army)**

 **Straight Outta Compost (The Ganggreen Gang)**

 **The Untouchables (The Amoeba Boys)**

 **Kellyane Conway (Sedusa)**

 **Cartoon Bully #2762 (Mitch Mitchelson)**

 **Mr. Peabody (Talking Dog)**

 **Alvin and the Chipmunks…without the singing (The Rowdyruff Boys)**

 **Harry Knowles (** _ **Powerpuff Girl**_ **fanboy)**

 **Accurate Depiction of Cosplaying (Robbers posing as the Powerpuff Girls)**

 **And The City of Seattle! (Narrator's opening line "The City of Townsville!")** "

And with that, he gives the honest title:" _ **Totally Spice**_ " _._

But before the video ends, the narrator acknowledges the narrator of the series, voiced by Tom Kenny, about his vital participation on every episode, " **Man, it must be some prestige when you are a narrator in this series. You can break the fourth wall, be a character and everything. Kudos to you, dude.** "


End file.
